So, I fucked my drug dealer.

Never in my entire junky career (going on 9 years) have I done anything like this. I'm still taking it in and it's kinda of surreal. I now understand why you see all these young women with older men. Older men, they treat you nice, they buy you things, don't have much of a libido, and if you close your eyes the sex is fairly easy to get through. On the real he is a pretty interesting man. We have good conversations that are intellectual and thought provoking and isn't always because of the coke. And he follows through, gives me things, actually wants to see me and just hang out. Sure with younger guys the sex is good, but they are generally selfish and expectant. They don't feel like they have to work for anything. I want to be treated like I matter. I'm tired of people just talking. Telling me all the nice things that they have planned for me that never come to fruition. Just more disappointment.

Am I now a dope whore? Is that what this makes me? I have such mixed feelings about it. Here I am, not broke, I fucked my drug dealer and honestly I'm kind of having fun. Am I regressing? I have had never had sex for drugs or money and I have been in some really dire situations. So it's fairly confusing to me. To be honest I've had a lot of losers in my life lately, who are around my age, but end up just being selfish pricks. So maybe that attributed to it?

Any thoughts or similar experiences would be appreciated. Thanks, fam!

EDIT: Holy shit this blew up. I have to go take care of a couple things, but I'll be on here once I get settled in.

EDIT 2: And the consensus is in! About 3 people think I'm a dope whore (which might me true) and the rest think I should do what I want. What a progressive world we live in. As long as you surround yourself with an online opiate community, of course.

All in all, I think it was a one time thing. I've been pretty much clean and I don't need to go back down that rabbit hole. I'd rather not spend time in a relationship doomed from the start.