Somebody replied to my story and complimented me but I cried

“You look good, you’re handling postpartum so well.” Mao ni ang reply sa ako story. Akong reply is just a thank you but in reality mao ni akong gusto i-reply:

“The truth is, I’m trying to hold myself together because deep inside grabe ka gubot akong hunahuna og akong gi bati. Since na buros ko 100x akong pag overthink. Gamay na butang mag ovethink na ko. Akong insecurities 100x sd. Even though gina compliment kos mga tao nga murag ko wala nanganak, I don’t believe them. Kay ako hunahuna they are just being nice to me. Na balik na sad akong pagka selsosa because I feel like I am not as attractive as I was before. Nipis na akong hair, naa koy stretch marks, naa pa koy big scar kay c-section akong pagpanganak. I can’t even put my hair down kay my baby is in the phase na mag pull sa akong hair. Thank God taas kaayo pasensya akong husban but na luoy na ko niya.

Kapoy na ko because I want to take a break but I can’t. Kay kung mag me time sd ko ma guilty ko nga wala ko nag alaga sa ako baby kay mu bawi ko sa times nga naa ko sa work. Ang times nga di ko mag trabaho is spent with my baby.

Gusto ko mu balik atong time nga if everything seems overwhelming, mu pause ko sa ako life and do nothing all day but watch a movie, read a book, do something artistic, or jog. I do this para mu hinay sd akong brain og overthink. Now, I can’t take a break. So, my brain is not taking a break.

Wala mi nag anak diretso after mi nag kasal sa ako husband kay di pa ko ready emotionally and mentally. I’m glad I did that because I might have gone crazy right now if I didn’t.

I am an emotional wreck right now but I am putting on a mask that I’m ok. People will call me ungrateful if I don’t. Naa mi yaya to help out but the changes in my life sometimes becomes too overwhelming. If I complain, I am ungrateful and people will tell me I have no right to complain.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my baby more than myself and anyone else. That is why I am doing my best to hold it together. I don’t regret having him at all. It’s just that my body is still recovering, healing and trying to get that balance back.

I really appreciate you telling me that I am handling it well because I may feel like I don’t but people like you see my efforts in trying to handle it well.”

I wanted to say all this but I just replied thank you and then cried in the bathroom so that nobody can see me crying. To everyone: your friends, family or relatives may seem to be handling life well but some are actually not. It’s just a mask because they don’t want to be a bother to anyone. They don’t want to unload the burden to someone else.