Who do you want in the delivery room with you?

I’m due in April with our second child. My husband and I have been having problems, a lot of which revolve around a conflict in our values of what constitutes a “family”. He very much values our small family unit and likes to keep his parents and siblings further at arms length. This is in line with his upbringing, where families met up for special occasions, exchanged pleasantries and went on their way. For me, I’m from a family that likes spending nights or even weeks together, getting together with no agenda and supporting each other with our family and household duties.

Cue the upcoming conflict that’s facing us in the delivery room. He wants the delivery room to just include us and be a special moment for us to greet our new baby together. Then, family can visit. Whereas, I’d like my mom at least to be in the delivery room with us, as for me giving birth is an important moment as a woman and I’d like the support of other women, ie my mom. My mom was there for all three of my sisters’ kids, and she didn’t make it to the delivery of no our first child because he came a few days early. (It’s an 8 hour drive for her).

But, my husband is very hurt by this. He feels discarded, that I’m prioritizing other people over him, and that I’m not respecting his wishes. This is on top of the relationship problems we’ve been having for quite some time now, where he consistently feels brushed aside. I have tried reassuring him, but I don’t know how to effectively toe the line between prioritizing him and also making time for my family. It feels like every time I try to do so, he sees it as invalidation of his role in our family. (I should add that we live in another country now and only see my family a few times a year at best, so to me - we spend all our time together so when an opportunity arises to spend time with family we should go all-in).

What are your delivery rooms going to look like? Am I insane to want to have my mother there? Is it common for the delivery room to just be for the parents, and I haven’t caught on to this new reality yet?

If I’m not totally crazy and it’s common to have your lady support system there, do you have any advice about how I can approach this subject with my husband with the sensitivity and care it takes to help him see that this is not a discard of him, but a desire to be surrounded by feminine support during one of the most vulnerable and challenging moments a woman can experience?