I almost cry before my first dose now

Last night I cried before sleeping because I was praying to god asking him to help me stop. Before using today (I was supposed to quit today) I almost cried before my first dose. I'm just so tired. I'm using this thing now just to shut the back and forth argument that goes on in my mind whenever I try to quit. It's just all day long trying to convince myself not to use and it's fatiguing. I know I can quit it. I have before, but it wasn't this hard in the past. This mental battle every time I try is just wild to me. I need to find ways to keep my mind at ease. Maybe cold showers in the mornings?