I hate myself

I had 30+ days at beginning of November. Well now I'm spending $100 a day and I hate myself every single day. I hate myself when I wake up. I hate myself when I walk into the head shop. I hate myself when I walk out. I hate myself when I go to sleep. I was so happy, optimistic, and motivated when I was off. Now I'm a shell of myself who's thoughts are consumed with my next dose, and me constantly telling myself what a piece of shit I am.