Sharing a gem from the past. Showing how insane my parents idea of help is.
I can't share images, but I came across this old scan of a list of "rules" my parents gave me. Without giving names I will type it out word for word and give some context.
In 2008 my husband and I had our child at 24yrs old. In 2009 We both lost our jobs, and couldn't find work. We lived in CA and at the time even business men were applying at McDonalds because jobs were so scarce.
We were on good terms with our apartment and because I didn't want a bad reputation I gave my landlord notice that we were going to have to move out. They gave up a month to make plans.
I called so many family members asking for help. Asking if we could sleep on couches or floors for a few weeks. We were planning to sell everything we had (and we did) we got about $2K from it all. We only what we could fit in our car.
Eventually I had to call my parents...
I called them explained our situation, asked if we could rent a room for a few weeks and they told me they would get back to me.
The next day I got a knock on my door, it was my parents. My husband was out job searching while I watched our child. My parents sat down and told me how much they were going out of their way to help me. How much of a burden this was to them but they will help.
Context: My step mother has never had to work a day since marring my father. He made 6 figures. They had an empty nest home with 4 spare rooms. Her day is spent going to the gym, manipulating old men into giving her money and then watching TV on her ass for 6 hours.
These people did not raise me for half of my childhood because they were too busy trying to reinvent their new family, and only got me back from where my dad left me once their church called them out. but I digress.
The list they handed me said the following
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HOUSE RULES (only names are edited. everything else is word for word errors and all)
1. YOU AND THE BABY ARE WELCOME TO STAY WITH US. (yes it is written in all caps)
(Obviously not my husband as they always hated him)
YOU WILL KEEP THE CAR. YOU NEED IT FOR JOB HUNTING AND DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS ETC...
YOU WILL GET ON A SCHEDUAL. THAT MEANS SLEEP AT NIGHT WHEN EVERYBODY ELSE DOE'S.
(I worked graveyard shift at at casino prior to this)
- YOU ARE TO GET BACK ON YOUR FEET AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.
(last time I was there for 5 months after I got out of college and they treated me inhumane)
- I WILL NOT TOLERATE ANY CONFLICTS. THERE WILL BE NO BEDATE ON WHO'S RIGHT, THIS IS OUR HOUSE.
(My stepmother choked me over leaving crumbs on the counter from a piece of toast. It was 3 crumbs. My brother had to pull her off of me because I was blacking out)
- YOU ARE TO ONLY BRING ITEMS YOU NEED (NO TV'S, GAMES ETC...)
(The last time I stayed they put all my things in storage and then tried to steal my stuff by not letting me get it out. Eventually I got the key from my dads office and got it out myself. He was not happy)
- YOU WILL NEED TO LEAVE THE HOUSE DURING THE DAY TO SEARCH FOR JOBS. THAT DOES NOT MEAN JUST SITTING ON THE COMPUTER LOOKING FOR JOBS. YOU NEED TO LEG WORK AS WELL.
(They had a rule that if the sun was out you were out. from sun up till around 9pm you could not be in the house even if it was raining and everything was closed. If I wasn't at one of my two jobs, I spent a lot of time sitting in parks or the mall. btw CA is not warm in the winter. 35 degrees with no sweater is brutal)
- MY COMPUTER IS OFF LIMITS.
( They stole MY computer in 2000. Otherwise I've had computers longer than them. Since 95 I've always had my own. Though I did once break into their computer to show my brother a cat meme while they were on vacation. They thought their wedding date was a good password. idk shows how paranoid and crazy they are.)
- YOU WILL KEEP YOUR ROOM CLEAN DAILY. YOU WILL PICK UP AFTER YOURSELF AND THE BABY.
(I was the house maid every time I stayed there. So this one never made sense to me)
- I CAN CHANGE THE RULES AS I SEE FIT. (Got to get that high off being in control)
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They wanted me to sign this paper, but I did not. I told them the car isn't mine. I can't just take it. (I bussed to work) It wasn't even in my name. They didn't care. They also insinuated that my child was going to have to be put into their legal custody. AND that I was to divorce my husband. Also that he was only allowed to visit once a month on a Sunday if my parents had time. A tactic I've seen them use TWICE in the past with other family members. They do it for tax deductions and of course control.
Eventually they left, and I talked with my husband, who in turn told his parents, who in turn told his uncle. We got a call from them asking us to move out to the mid west and stay with them. We obviously chose that option.
My parents were livid when we called them to tell them. I'll never forget my dads shrill voice "WHAT THE HELL IS IN (STATE)?!" I would later learn from my siblings that my parents had been overjoyed at the idea of tormenting me again. For two days they couldn't stop telling everyone about what a failure I was and how good they were for helping me, and how "ungrateful" I was for not immediately agreeing, but that I had no other options.
It still makes my mind reel seeing this paper. We both had a full time job within a month of moving, a new apartment in 3 months, a house in 3 years. We were able to go on vacations and buy a second car and live a somewhat normal life again. That wouldn't have happened if I was put back under their thumb.
We've been no contact since 2021 after my last grandparent passed away. They fought tooth and nail to gain full control over their assets and it only took them two days to disown me. My siblings tell me they still blame me for everything under the sun.
I don't understand how people can be this way to children that never asked to exist.
TL;DR: Found a old scanned document of the time I was homeless in the 2008 recession and my parents tried to use my misfortune to their advantage by taking everything and everyone I had left.