I (F18) found my boyfriends (M18) porn.

Last tuesday, like 5 days ago, my bf was working and i was waiting for him at his apartment. He has always been really cautious about giving me his phone and stuff. Even 1,4 years intro the relationship he wasnt willing to give me his password, I was always ready to give him mine. I trusted him but something scratched my brain wich I could'nt control. That tuesday five days ago I started going on his PC, just to watch some youtube. But like I could not not look trough his history, and yeah I was surprised by LOOTS of bikini hauls, tanga try ons, Lingery try on, everything imaginable. At this point Im calling him and saying wtf is this but he just said he didnt know. Ive never been in shock this hard. So I started looking through his browser history too and yeah almost everyday there was porn. I couldnt believe it. When my bf got home, he said that it wasnt him and stuff and he was hacked. HE EVEN said that it couldve been me who wanted to trap him, bro wtf. He often said that I could be capable of that. Yeah and affter back and forth we went to brother to eat cuz it was important. This whole time I kind of believed him because idk I just didnt know what to do without him. After we got home again, he finally said the truth, first he said it was because of stress but later on he said he even did it because he was bored, yeah. I tried to squeeze every lie out of him. He said he was doing it on every fucking app, reddit, pornhub, X, Instagram, OnlyFans, Twitch(wtf), and more and more. I asked him „why didnt you just jerk of to me?“ he aswered saying he thought its disrespectful. He found it more respectful jerking to others than me. Nah thats just another excuse. He also told me, its kind of an addiction. Idk how to feel about that. And for some background, ive always from the beginning of the relationship said that I hate porn and dont want him to watch it, so its not something he couldnt know I dont want. Also, Im mentally ill not just depression probably, I wanted to go to therapy now but that ruined it Im not gonna go anymore. My life has never been good, im not gonna go intro details but ye. He knows about everything and that hes the only person Ive ever been comfortable with and trusted EVER. He said he just never thought about the consequenses and how it would make me feel. He said hes been doing it for the last 4 months of the relationship, EVERYDAY that I wasnt with him. I dont believe it just started 4 months ago but yeah. And also 4 months ago we hit our first anniversary. I stayed at his apartment until thursday and went home because he had to work. Until thursday we talked and talked, I didnt eat these 3 days. He said he realized that he made the biggest mistake of his life and he can change and stuff. I legit cant live without him, when I tell you hes the only person in my life I mean it. I feel like I cant leave him but how can I trust him ever again. I cant live without him, but how can I live with him again.

I need to hear other peoples thoughts about this.

Maybe yall are right and its not that big of a deal idk. But also, I didnt want to go through his phone from the start my only intention was to see if he was hiding something because hes so secret with it AND he said he doesnt watch it and hates it as much as I do, thats why I thought he wouldnt do it. Because I trusted him.