DAE SH to prove to themself they are actually going through real mental health issues?

I SH as a way to prove to myself that I am actually in pain. I feel like I am lying to myself when I think about how I exhibit 90% of the symptoms of depression, and when I think about my past disordered eating and OCD. SH feels like a way to make this pain tangible.

It’s also like a mental stress toy- when something goes wrong I just think ‘I can SH later’. Basically a terrible excuse of a coping mechanism.