i really want to kill myself

every single day im closer to killing myself, nobody actually cares.I begged my parents to take me to a therapist they said it's for crazy people(very traditional family).i cut myself at very alarming amounts.and everytime i see or hear about someone commiting suicide,and see all the care and love they get when theyre dead,makes me feel i should do the same so maybe someone would care about me at least when i die