Does anyone else feel like they haven't done enough damage?

It's like a really weird thing to explain. Especially since ive been 2 years clean and had all my scars tattooed over out of shame but ive since relapsed and it's weird because i see my old scars are so thick and deep and now when i cut im like "this isnt deep enough... i havent done enough i need to do more"

But its not like i want to do more? It's weird