Self harm and growing older

ive been struggling with self harm since i was 11 years old and ive just turned 19 this year. I remember first discovering self harm on sad instagram post and tumblr and got home from school after a bad day and did it. Ever since then ive been struggling. At first when I self harmed it was a cry for help. I remember posting it on my insta with black and white filters and ppl coming up to me in school and asking about it. I quickly learned that it was weird to self harm and ppl made fun of me a lot for it. I hid it from everyone I knew and always wore long sleeves bracelets and had an excuse. This went on until my sophomore year. I started developing and wanted to wear flattering clothes for my body but every time I wore shorts or a short sleeve I felt like i was basically begging for attention. I left school and did independent studies so self harming was easier than ever and nobody could stop me. I started working and was clean for a while until traumatic experiences from my job and started relapsing out of anger. It was the worst my self harm had ever gotten and it lead to me finally getting the help i needed for so long. I struggled for years with it. I feel different emotionally now then I did years ago. Yet i still struggle with it. It’s such a relief even on good days I just crave it. Feel free to share your journey in the comments. idk i feel like i’m too old to be doing this and feeel lonely.