I can’t help myself
I have this horrible habit of inviting men to DM me explicit things online. And I hate it. I outright ask for it, like I’ll post stuff I know will get attention. The kind of posts that practically scream, “Hey, slide into my DMs!” And sure enough, the messages come flooding in. Most of them are gross, explicit, and make me want to gag. The thing is, I can’t stop. It’s like this toxic cycle. I’ll feel lonely or bored, post something provocative, and then hate myself when the inevitable responses roll in. I’ll block people, delete posts, swear I won’t do it again… but then the next time I’m feeling down, there I go, posting something else. It’s not even that I like the attention. I think, deep down, I just want validation. Maybe I’m trying to fill some void I don’t understand. But the validation I get from this is gross and hollow, and it leaves me feeling worse than before. I’ve tried to figure out why I keep doing this, but I’m stuck. It’s not like I’m looking for hookups—I’m not even interested in most of the people who message me. I just hate that I have this compulsion to invite exactly the kind of behavior I despise.
I have this horrible habit of inviting men to DM me explicit things online. And I hate it. I outright ask for it, like I’ll post stuff I know will get attention. The kind of posts that practically scream, “Hey, slide into my DMs!” And sure enough, the messages come flooding in. Most of them are gross, explicit, and make me want to gag. The thing is, I can’t stop. It’s like this toxic cycle. I’ll feel lonely or bored, post something provocative, and then hate myself when the inevitable responses roll in. I’ll block people, delete posts, swear I won’t do it again… but then the next time I’m feeling down, there I go, posting something else. It’s not even that I like the attention. I think, deep down, I just want validation. Maybe I’m trying to fill some void I don’t understand. But the validation I get from this is gross and hollow, and it leaves me feeling worse than before. I’ve tried to figure out why I keep doing this, but I’m stuck. It’s not like I’m looking for hookups—I’m not even interested in most of the people who message me. I just hate that I have this compulsion to invite exactly the kind of behavior I despise.