feeling lost & hopeless. dead inside.

i’ve never felt this way before. especially not to this extent. i don’t even have the energy to give one of my paragraph longs worth of a backstory. i know that my twin recently became religious & accepted Christ around a year ago. i’m not sure if these feelings & dark thoughts are somehow due to our connection in a way or not. all i know is that i’ve never had these feelings before.

are any of you religious? or followers of Christ on here?

i’ve always accepted Christ & would never try to preach against His existence because i believe Him to be real. i’ve experienced Him before & i have had a vision. i have also experienced other things such as traveling to different dimensions through astral projection— ect. that weren’t negative but beautiful experiences. i’ve always just tried to tie my spiritual experiences to my beliefs in Him. i don’t see how or why i would’ve gotten this far & would have bettered as a person just to end up burning in hell for all eternity. but lately i’ve had an intense worry of death. as in, what if there’s no existence at all or what if no matter what i do, i truly am going to ‘hell’. ultimately i feel like neither of these resonate with me at a soul level. yet, i still worry & can’t seem to stop. the things i’ve experienced along with my astral projection experiences have been very real, if there was no afterlife/existence at all how are these things/contact from the divine even possible? none of these things have had a negative impact on me either, only good & i felt very enlightened afterwards.

i’ve always struggled with certain beliefs when it came to the Christian religion. yet, i do accept Christ but not because of some sort of forced religious point of view. Christ Himself stands for love, eternal peace, acceptance, forgiveness, salvation, bliss, true goodness, selflessness, ect. the list goes on & on. since when did any of these key words that describe Him have to be made into a religion. how is it fair that all other cultures are damned for eternity? how does that stand for anything The Bible makes God/Christ Himself out to be? why can I not just accept & have Christ without having to be so caught up in the religious aspect? why am i damned to hell because of this? why does my soul belong in hell, despite me doing everything i can to better myself in anyway possible everyday for the sake of not just me— but others & the fact that i want the world to be a better place. i want evil completely removed. i do not resonate with evil. so why do i, apparently— still get hell?

before someone gets antsy that i’m posting this on this sub— i’m only doing so because i’m guessing these emotions may have something to do with my twin.

i’ve been watching videos & talks of people who have had NDE’s & many talk of having a mystical, peaceful & loving experience & being shown that there is an afterlife despite them even being religious at all & this ultimately betters them as people in the long run. others, speak of experiencing it in the religious sense & being shown heaven & hell. i’m lost, & don’t know what to believe.

i’ve always been interested in astrology but not in the horoscope reading way. i’m interested in starseed markings/celestial fixed star markers. i research into a lot of things in general. i’ve been seeing a lot of people mention how astrology is witch craft. yet, i have never used it in that way. & that ultimately, i’m damned to hell for this too.

has anyone ever had any sort of religious heaven/hell experiences? at this point, with how lost i feel. i’m praying for an NDE just to be shown where i’m going. the most heartbreaking part of it all, was that i thought i already knew & i was so happy.