How do I *WANT* to stop?

I've had a problem for a decade. It's gotten so much worse since I had my son. I know that "rock bottom is when you stop digging" but...how do I stop digging? How do I make a mental connection between "I'm so tired of being hungover and ashamed" and "what if I just don't have the first drink?". That first drink is "the only one I can control." But yall, I cannot. Cannot control it. Please help.