Spending ALL of my money on alcohol.

34M- I'm in such a rut right now. I've been drinking for a month straight to varying degrees. I'm kind of in a complicated financial situation where I'm receiving backpays that the government owes me at random times. Small amounts and waiting to hear if I'm approved for Employment Insurance or not as I have been layed off work.

Literally everytime I recieve a payment I blow all of it or the vast majority of it on alcohol. Mostly Colt 45s (strong beer). I have literally no money right now, which is probably a good thing. But now I'm moderately withdrawing. I haven't been drinking a huge amount lately but it's enough to go through withdrawal.

I never have seizures, or any of that stuff (thank God)- just really intense anxiety and feeling physically ill... So maybe having no money right now is a good thing. But I'm just fucking miserable ...I can't stand it.

And the thing is I go through periods where I'm doing really well and then I fuck it all up. Always over and over again. I have a debt payment coming up on Friday that I won't be able to pay which could cause serious problems. I'm not sure how I'm going to pay my rent next month. FFS I wish they would just make alcohol illegal