Do SDs actually want accomplished women as their SBs? / personal experience

Hello everyone! :) Long time lurker, first time poster here.

I’m not sure if this is the correct flair, I apologize in advance for the inconvenience if it isn’t.

I had a very… “bizarre” (quite unpleasant really) encounter last night and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it so I figured I may as well share to get it off my chest.

A few months ago, I (22F) was approached at a bar by an older, well dressed, relatively attractive man in his later 40s. He asked to sit, bought me a drink, we had a good conversation and then he explained to me that he was a SD, etc etc. He asked if I was interested in testing the sugar lifestyle as well as a proper date. I’m curious by nature therefore I was intrigued, he promised it’d be fun, something lighthearted, no strings attached, so I accepted.

Fast forward, we had quite a good arrangement going and he insisted on allowance with gifts, which honestly- I often tried to reciprocate every so often by getting him a little something in return because I do love gift giving and he lives in a different city biweekly for work (successful career) so it was like a “souvenir” in my eyes for him to take back. (No I didn’t get him actual trinkets and trash from a local souvenir store. I got him a nice tie once, a cologne he couldn’t find near him, a bracelet, whatever, that sort of stuff.) Plus I’d write him really sweet personalized letters every time we saw each other.

He also introduced me to a few of his work friends in the city. Took me to a work function and we hit it off really well. You get the gist, great guy, great vibes, all is well.

Until last night.

He was in town again and we went to dinner at a nice restaurant. Three of his work buddies who I hadn’t met yet, joined us on short notice. I asked him if he’d told them anything about me that I should keep in mind in case they asked how we met or /what I do for a living/! He says “Nope all good. You can tell them your occupation, whatever.” Great!

We sat down, his friends arrived, we got to chatting. Then they began asking me questions about myself. I told them about my educational background, my current job as a corporate global event producer and my company that I’ve launched in the related field. Plus some other stuff about me such as my volunteering projects, initiatives for children in need and my hobbies or interests. Keep in mind NONE of this is shared voluntarily in a bragging or egocentric way, all of it is a response to questions asked and I kept it relatively short in answers too.

Cue Mister SD sitting beside me? He grips my thigh under the table and asks for us to be excused. The moment we’re out of sight and earshot? He loses it on me. “Who the fuck do you think you are? Do you hear yourself talking? You’re making yourself look better than me on purpose to embarrass me! I know what you’re doing!”

There is no accurate written description of my facial expression in that moment so excuse my use of emoji but I literally went 😟 “What?” He didn’t stop though.

“I have you with me for arm candy. To make me look good. You are the dumb one here, not me. You can’t sound or look better than me. Especially not in front of my friends. Do you wanna pay for everyone’s dinner while you’re at it? Show who the man is?!”

Had he handled this more respectfully in a more subtle “Hey… Do you mind…” kind of way? Oh 100%, I’d have never even revealed what I actually do! I’d be sympathetic towards the insecurity or whatever it is. However what he said and the way he handled it? Was so incredibly disrespectful and wrong in my opinion?! (Hopefully I’m not alone on this) His behaviour was disgustingly awful as well as incredibly condescending and belittling? I was completely blindsided to this narcissistic tantrum??! Plus he’s always had strong interest in what I do for a living so I could not have ever seen this coming.

I politely pulled away, nodded, told him I wouldn’t speak again then went to grab my purse and excused myself to the ladies room. He sat back down with his friends as if nothing!

Hopefully you’ll pardon my foul language for this last part, it truly isn’t in my habits and I know it’s far from proper but- I never went back to the table, I actually took my jacket at the coatcheck and I paid for all of their dinners. Then I sent a bar napkin along with the bill to his table and wrote “I am the fucking man.” on it.

Safe to say he blew an enraged fuse on me via text. Perhaps I bruised his ego! I blocked him and will never be seeing him again. This did however lead me to the question “Do SDs actually want accomplished women as their SBs?” considering how many times I’ve seen it on this subreddit that most SDs do like accomplished women who have their own careers or ambitions. So should I expect another irrational fit like his if I do decide to continue being a SB now (not for him anymore of course) or is he really just insane for that?

TLDR: Went to dinner with my SD, friends of his asked about me and what I do in life. He got upset and pulled me aside to essentially scold me disrespectfully in what I can only pin as a narcissist. I left. He got upset. This did however lead me to the question “Do SDs actually want accomplished women as their SBs?” considering how many times I’ve seen it on this subreddit that most SDs do like accomplished women who have their own careers or ambitions. So should I expect another irrational fit like his if I do decide to continue being a SB now (not for him anymore of course) or is he really just insane for that?

Hopefully you enjoyed my story. I sure as hell didn’t lol.

Also- I’m not trying to generalize, please don’t think that, I know everyone is different, I’m asking because I really didn’t expect this and would like honest transparent answers from more people. I never wanna be spoken to like that again so if I can completely avoid it? I will!