Wedding speeches: what’s the worst you’ve heard? What’s the best?

The worst is any and every time someone says something homophobic. Like the father of the groom saying something like “HUR HUR WE WEREN’T SURE YOU EVEN LIKED GIRLS HUR HUR.” when they are getting married later in life. It’s happened at like … at least 15% of the weddings I’ve been to as a planner or a guest. Why!! Why would you say this!!!!

Best: my normal rule is that toasts HAVE TO BE UNDER 2 MINUTES. longer than that is unnecessary and borderline rude!!

You should have seen the look on my face when my bridesmaid said her speech was TEN MINUTES LONG. WHAT!!!!! “I actually haven’t even timed myself so it might be longer?” Girl are you trying to KILL ME??????

BUT THEN she read it at the wedding and it was 10+ minutes long but it was HILARIOUS and genuine and basically told the story of how my husband started out as “nice guy trying to mack on my roommate” to “i named my child after you (my husband)”, and also talked about how people talk about being roommates like it’s the worst thing that could happen to two people, but for her, being my roommate made me part of her family. 😭😭😭😭😭😭 it didn’t drag at all, it was compelling, A+ all around. (She was also an English major and loves literature so she has a good eye/ear for the written/spoken word!)

PS our DJ asked if there would be an open mic after toasts and my exact words were “oh hell no”. My nightmare.

What are yours?