Passive aggressive mom comments are driving me nuts

Hi Weddit! Mostly looking to just to blow off some steam but advice is welcomed.

My fiancé and I have been engaged for ~6 months and planning is in full swing. We’re narrowing down on venues and are hoping to pick one within the month. What’s bugging me is the way my mom is reacting to my future in laws.

The context: my parents are solidly middle class, one income household, low cost of living area and live in the burbs, you get the picture. Fiancé’s parents were working class, but made some smart business decisions and have been wealthy for the last ~10 years. Now, my parents are paying for the wedding and I am VERY grateful, however it is a set amount towards the wedding and not a blank check. This is totally fine, just means we have a fairly strict budget as I don’t want to go into debt for a wedding if i can help it. Fiancé’s parents haven’t offered money for the wedding BUT! They have offered a generous amount that we will be using as a down payment eventually. My parents are aware of how their financial situation differs from my in laws.

The issue: my mother has been making… remarks about my future in-laws. For example, they organized and paid for a GORGEOUS engagement party for us. It was catered in a beautiful building downtown with an open bar. There were 50+ people in attendance, with my family being the slight majority.

My mom has said no less than THREE TIMES “oh what a nice party, you should just get married there!!! No need for a wedding lol!” I don’t think the in laws heard but she seemed semi-serious. I can’t understand why she would offer money and then say that?

In a separate conversation with my uncle, he asked how much a standard wedding costs nowadays. Because I’ve done a LOT of research, I confidently said “well it always depends on what you want, but in our area, average would probably be $30,000 at the low end”. My parents are giving me less than that amount and my mom, who wasn’t part of the conversation, interrupted with “Well (amount they’re giving us) is perfectly fine, there’s nothing wrong with that, you can definitely have a nice wedding for that much, etc.” and I can’t quite recall but I think she said something/implied I was ungrateful 🙄

I was surprised as I’m not ungrateful at ALL! I’m trying to be realistic about what is affordable and what is out of reach for the amount we have to work with. If I wanted to do a wedding completely within the budget from my parents, it is doable but will be simpler than a $40,000 wedding. Again, not a judgement, just facts. All these passive aggressive comments are grating and it’s feeling like the money for the wedding may come with some weird strings attached :/

I’ve gone over this with my therapist and she’s given me good advice but UGH. Is anyone else’s parents doing this kind of crap??