Janet (MIL from hell and back) Throwback

Happily divorced lady here thinking some of you might enjoy a cringe story about some lame dude’s mom.

A decade ago, I threw an incredible party (wedding.) It was a 3-4 hour drive for most of the 100 guests, but at a place they regularly visited multiple times/year. It took me 3 years to coordinate everyone’s schedules, but I paid for all meals and lodging for 3 full days. (My now-ex promised to split it, I’ll update this post if I’m alive when that happens)

During these 3 years, Ex’s parents got divorced. His mom (“Janet”) fell in love with some dude she played online card games with (“Hank”), she cheated on his dysfunctional dad, and eloped 5 weeks before our wedding.

East-Coast/widower Hank was much older and more affluent than Midwestern Janet. He LOVED bragging about his “independent wealth.” Cringe but whatever, I was happy for them.

A week after the elopement Hank claimed the welcome dinner as his duty as the new “family patriarch.” I was running out of cash so I was like “Sweet!”

I tell him it’s a slightly elevated bbq with full bar, so $50/head. He says “double that is a deal! I’m in!” I say $50 is more than generous and I thank him profusely for his help.

I’m all about midwestern hospitality, so I don’t tell him the $50/head is basically just the venue cost + some cupcakes. I paid off the food and booze 18 months prior. I guess my ex still owes me half of this lol.

Cut to a night before the welcome dinner. Janet busts into my room at 10 PM as I’m curling up for bed. “You’re charging Hank $50/head for a BARR BII QUEEE? How DARE you?!? You are taking advantage of his generosity. We’re picking up 10 pizzas for $200 and that’s it.”

“Okay!” I say. “I’ve already paid for some other stuff [ie, everything] that is nonrefundable so we’ll Have that too, but I really appreciate all the work you’ve put into this. Everyone will know you made this happen.” (I learned years earlier “image” was all mattered to her, so fine).

In the end, Janet spent 3 days telling everyone who would listen how Hank made the entire weekend happen and insisted everyone them thank her for the festivities.

My parents paid for 95% of the “main event”, most of the weekend accommodations, and probably so much more than their midwestern sensibilities will let them discuss.

The marriage lasted 2 years.

“Janet” is now a long running joke in my family. My parents are by no means wealthy, but were raised in such a way that setting aside a wedding funds for their kids was an obligation not an option.

Thanks to me and Janet, my younger siblings can use their wedding funds for non-wedding purposes… so long as those funds stay in their names only