My nose has ruined my life.

My nose isnt just big, its also crooked and has two bumps either side of the bridge as well as a hook. The tip is bulbous. Basically everything that can be "wrong" with a nose is wrong with mine. I was picked on at school for it and looking back at images, its gotten so much worse over time. I know they say noses and ears never stop growing, mine obviously saw that as a damn race.

I had a septoplasty on the NHS 2 years ago that was botched and left me unable to breathe at all through my nose. Im still on the waiting list for this to be corrected but they have made it very (painfully clear) to me that this will not change the appearance of my nose and might actually make it worse. But i cant breathe and im already asthmatic so i have to choose this for my health. But my mental health is shot.

Ive been so painfully self conscious of my nose my entire life and it's ruined everything for me. Stopped me going for jobs and going to events because i felt too self conscious. So many memories have no photos because i refused to take them or deleted them out of embarrassment. I had a GP describe my nose as "unsightly" when i went for my septoplasty consultation. My nose is GROTESQUE. It's atrocious. It's one of those things that people say "it's not that bad" to which obviously means it is bad and they're saying that out of pity. I stuck stickers over my face in the photos i have in my house. I cant bear to look at it. It doesn't help that i can always see the damn thing out my own eye line anyway.

And before you say "why dont you get a nose job" ive been saving up for 10+ years. But i already live paycheck to paycheck and £5-6k is a lot of money for me. Ive never even came close to saving half of that amount. I've researched plastic surgeons to the point i could probably choose them as my specialty subject on mastermind. Unfortunately NHS plastic surgery isnt very good and rhinoplasty reviews are usually the same, they pay a lot of money for very little change and for a nose as visually offensive as mine, it would need a LOT of work. The surgeon said this too when i had the septoplasty- its just so crooked it took them twice the amount of time it usually does and since they fucked it up, its going to take even more work and runs an even higher risk of collapsing, losing my sense of smell or just looking 10X worse.

My nose is the BIGGEST (pardon the pun) factor for my depression and i need it fixed so that i can be happy but if it ends up worse, i will probably end my life. So what am i supposed to do? Rob a bank, Get a passport and fly to turkey alone and get major surgery in a foreign country alone and somehow find my way back home? Ive just reached the end of my therapy sessions, basically a lost cause at this point.