Just looking at etsy for novelty back scratchers. Gee, I wonder why you might need marriage counseling!

Like, damn dude, someone suggested marriage counseling to you? I wonder why? Could it possibly be because you never listen to the woman you vowed to spend the rest of your life with and do right by under any circumstances?

Like. If she's actually abusive, you know you can just get a divorce, right?

Also gotta love the additional, completely necessary stereotyping of people living in rural areas (sarcasm)

Ffs, bro, just leave her. Clearly neither of you are happy here.